Torn

i feel pity for myself

me that is ignorant

i smile to get me by

to pass my time

my morphine-

the game.

who's left?

nobody-

the echoing sound of the feet

it fleets.

i lost it-

my grasp of reality.

i reached up high

following the sound

your footsteps

it resonates

-am i deaf.

you were the only one real

-i was happy everything was a fake

but now you've become and apparition

you left

and you left me scars.

-i can live.

but I'm torn.

insanity-peacefully chaotic

it was quiet-

pitch black

silent murmurs of the wind

deafening silence.

i remembered the lights

the glamor

the noise

-a sudden silence occurred.

then it hit me

i saw nothing

in nothingness

i saw everything.

All this years....It was a lie

all this years.

hi i'm abi!

hi i'm abi!
i'm never enough, someone told me
i know you don't have to reiterate it to me

i like colorful things
don't you?

i like food
don't you?

i like sleep
don't you?

i like traveling
don't you?

i like the beach
don't you?

hi i'm abi
"you'll never be enough", you see
this he told me

i love you
i told you

do i have to put a sign in my chest
or change for the said "best"?

is it not enough i tell you
i make you feel this in a way or two

i try to show you my best
my love i try to jest

but hey i'm abi
im never enough he told me.

tears

when i heard him say those hurting words, tears fell down my face, i was taking a two part quiz and i had a lot in my mind.

i wondered.

i asked.

i wanted to know.

how can he say those words without hesitation
yes you're not degrading my mother
but for someone you claimed to love
you allow such words
and to think they came from you
how can you say those words without any hesitation
didn't you realize you haven't heard the whole story yet?
how can you even say those words
i think nothing bad of you
i already took all the blame
nuff said!
it is my fault
so why can't you just let it go
i admitted it as my fault
why do you have to digress me like that
you push me
and you put me to the ground
you spat on my face
and you kicked me when i am down
you stone me
and now my spirit's dead
i wont blame you
not now
why do you have to make it to an issue
you don't have to worry on what i've become
you don't have to worry if i'll turn into them, because i wont
i know in my heart i wont
i know through my personality i wont
and you're not me to say i will
so shut the fuck up because you're not me
you don't have to worry because i don't say anything bad about you
i praise you
i adore you
i upraise you
you of the gentle hand that took care of me while i was sick
you of the gentle face that cried when i was fading
you of the gentle voice that spoke through the darkness
and if you ask how i cried when i read those things
do you remember the night
that night when we first made a never ending promise
that's how hard i cried
i wasn't ashamed to cry infront of the class
i was fine...
but i couldn't bear it anymore
that i have to shut down.
just shut down
this tears i still show
will never go.

when.

when will we ever be fixed?

....when i start telling the truth about everything.

........when you start trusting people.

cliche.

forget about her.

the girl with the deviant smile

her pretentious words

her piercing intents

it will crush you

it will tear you apart

just forget about her

why do you still justify on what she's done wrong

when you can forget about her

never forgive her

so whenever you're reminded of her

you'll only remember the scars

forget about her

for she's never the same

she's turned into someone she hates

just forget about her

never regret forgetting her

it's not worth the wait

for she might not go back to her old self

she needs disclosure

from herself

from everyone that surrounds her

forget about her

because she'll never be better

all her words are lies

all her thoughts are corrupt

you'll never have her back

so forget about her.

i found this text while i was gaming, i find it truthful for my circumstances.


As I look into your eyes
I can't seem to look away
I get lost into the moment
Each and every day

You thought I didn't like you
You thought that I moved on
But to tell you the total truth...
My feelings aren't gone

I'm still here, still waiting
For us to finally be
I'll stay here for as long as it takes
For you to be with me

I'm still here inside your heart
I'll never give up on you
You'll never find anyone else
Who loves you like I do

I'm still here just waiting
For you to finally realize
I'm still here waiting for you to see me
How I see you through my eyes

failed internet connect

wrecked dreams
vague ambitions
all i wanna do is damn play

im tired of people talking to me like i need redemption
talking to me like i need to be back with you
well no, i have had enough of bullshit piling up while you mock my decision

i see you've moved on, im not happy, in fact im not contented
i had this dream, and i think i still pretend that im in it
that im the one that makes you happy, but no.

that's not the circumstances at hand
why?
its simple, an ample belief of the system will lead me nowhere

but the very fact is, i am going nowhere
fuck the system, i am just plain tired of you fooling around
so i wanna see how you are without me, you seem better

this is the fact dear
i need'nt prove anything to anyone not even me
all i wanted to know is, was it real?

well hey it was real, it "is" real
still getting kicked by reality every morning but hey
i think i found my light, plus purpose points for me

you werent there when i needed you
so why expect more from you

note:abi talking to the desktop

(see how insane i became)

i built a castle out of a sand
and i saw it washed away
and when i tried to save a few
all i had was sand in my toes

i built my dreams out of a box
but the box wasn't so new
i flipped and turned it around
and i realized there was nothing i can do

it was nothing more than an apparition
something i can never have
but i knew when i built my life around you
that's something worth to have

but i didn't believed enough in fairy tales
and i never thought they exist
so i turned my back on one thing
that one thing i can never have again

i once again built a castle on the shore
and never managed to see it done
but i believe that my dreams were real
and that one thing i will and do feel.

saka nalang

alam ko naman na hindi ako sasaya tulad nuon
pero susubukan ko
susubukan ko kasi alam ko na hindi na tayo pwede
oo, mahal kita, sobra sobra pa kesa sa ginawa ko para sa iba
pero, sobrang mahal kita
gusto ko masaya ka, kulang ako para sayo
alam ko yun
kulang ako dahil sa distansya na ito
alam ko rin yun
gusto ko, sumaya ka ng hindi nasasaktan
oo, masakit ngayon, pero kapag tumagal mawawala din yan
alam ko, hindi ko maloloko sarili ko
oo, mahal na mahal parin kita, pero hanggang doon nalang
sana mahanap mo iyong tunay na kasiyahan
huwag ka mag-alala kung tingin mo wala ng nakakaalala sayo, nandito lang ako
pero hindi ko na pwedeng iparamdam pa sayo kung gaano kita kamahal
kasi sobrang sakit na binigay ko kaya, dito nalang ako sa malayo
malayo sayo, wala sa buhay mo
siguro saka nalang
saka ko nalang ulit ipaparamdam pagmamahal ko sayo
sa kabilang buhay.