my remorse

this is the part where i say what i feel, the part where i say something that may or may not change the decision of the only person that i felt complete with, this contains all my honest thoughts and regards.

i know nobody's perfect, we crash once in a while, the tension breaks us apart, the distance does matter even if we say it doesnt, at times we do things that hurt other people even those that we care just to prove that we are alive, even the people who claims to be happy and content do need to find ways to prove themselves that they are alive, and as for me, it is to feel the pain of losing someone that i do prove myself that i love them and that they are most dear to me, sometimes i try to pick myself up from the mischief's i caused, trying to put it back together, wishing that it'll be alright even if i know it wont be, and right now i know im near my breaking point, inka tells me to be strong and so does my other friends, tom says i should take care, but i dont know, the fact that at times i just stay in a corner and cry, yea i cry a lot cos im a cry baby, means that it does affect me so much, what i just want to know in the current situation is that, was it all a dream, i just wish i never woke up, was it all just for show, all of those words trying to give me a sign that i am better off alone, where am i without the light, where am i without my guide, where am i without the wall i cling on to whenever the lights go off, im nowhere, im a nobody, trying to be strong and just hoping that somehow all of it was real, i dont know what will happen after his decision, if he stays with me, im lucky enough to have him still, if he doesnt then im still happy to have someone so beautiful and so sweet cross my path, you have been strong for the both of us, im trying to be strong for me, somehow trying to be strong to stay focused, yea im that selfish, im an ass most of the time and i am aware of it, but somehow you putting up with me only means you have accepted me, but i guess im just too stubborn for anyone to handle.

this is how much i love you, i thought the pain from before was too much, but this time i know it'll surely put me into seclusion, i dont want to be your friend, i love you too much to even accept your friendship, somehow, the silence do kill my soul, when is the right time, i know this may sound rash but, a reflection overnight isnt a joke, one night and dear i missed you, and you say its "only" been days, its been 4 long days and in that duration, i dont know my limitation anymore, i know im patient but im not that strong, i can wait, but maybe when your back if you ever come back, im once again broken, but.....


your the only person who can bring me back again, you know where to find me, i love you even more, i love you like a compliment of the day and night, i love you like water of the sea trying to conquer the sandy beach inch by inch, i love you more everytime i wake up, and more everytime i cry, i love you more compared to the first love i had, i love you more than words can say, i need you, i want you, i just hope youre mine.....